


He Matters

by ChangeTheCircumstances



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Fix-It, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post-Order 66
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-05
Updated: 2016-05-05
Packaged: 2018-06-06 15:00:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,926
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6758812
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChangeTheCircumstances/pseuds/ChangeTheCircumstances
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It takes a lot of time for Cody to even think that he might be important, to understand that others would risk their life for him, that he could ever be loved. But then Utapau happens. Order 66 happens. And Cody slowly loses it all only to run into the last person he expected.</p>
            </blockquote>





	He Matters

**Author's Note:**

> My first Obi-Wan/Cody fic. I had a lot of fun writing it and I hope you enjoy it :)

Cody has always been jealous of Rex’s knowledge that he is important. Cody knows that the Clones are important, that they’re the reason the Republic has a chance at winning the war, but as individuals he’s never been able to believe that. The whole point of having clones was because they were expendable. Yet every time he has to risk his neck to save his general, Kenobi yells at him. Despite what Cody is, Kenobi seems to care, even more so the first time Cody speaks his thoughts out loud.

“My life doesn’t matter.”

His general actually hits him for that and tells him to never say those words again. Cody replies with a ‘yes sir’ but it doesn’t stop him from thinking those words. At least for a while.

Cody still thinks he’s expendable when Kenobi nearly dies protecting his life.

Cody still thinks he’s expendable when Rex tells him to never pull a stupid stunt again, even for Kenobi.

But he feels a little less expendable when Kenobi calls him a friend.

Eventually, Cody has to step back and look at the facts. Even though Kenobi’s words haven’t changed his thought process, his actions show that Cody isn’t expendable. Looking at all the times Kenobi has risked his life for his, Cody realizes that his general cares. He risks his neck for all the Clones but it’s only Cody that he’ll visit constantly in a medbay if he’s there. It’s only Cody that causes Kenobi’s Jedi calm to actually break when he sees him hurt.

Maybe he isn’t as expendable as he thought.

Cody feels important when Kenobi asks him to call him Obi-Wan.

Cody feels valid every time Obi-Wan asks his opinion on a situation and truly means it.

Clones aren’t supposed to feel love but Cody feels it when Obi-Wan kisses him.

 _No_ , he thinks, _I’m not expendable_.

But then Utapau happens and suddenly he can’t think of his general’s name, just _traitor_. He worked for a _traitor_. He was friends with a _traitor_. He kissed the _traitor_.

Cody knows that something is wrong but he gets his new orders and he follows them, even when an odd feeling like a sob wants to break through his mouth at seeing the _traitor_ fall.

A part of him rises up, wants to go find the _traitor_ , to search for him and make sure he’s alright despite the fact that he’s just tried to kill him. But the moment those thoughts enter his head, they’re shut down and Cody can’t bring them back up. That just leaves his orders and like any good solider he follows them. Like all the Clones, he learns about the Jedi’s attempt to kill the Chancellor and destroy the Republic. He thinks he should be protesting the words, questioning them, but his new leader tells him not to speak unless spoken to and cracks his skull with the butt of a rifle to drive in the point.

At first, Cody still asks questions. The _traitor_ let him ask questions but his new commanding officers quickly make it clear that his primary function should be to shut up. After the sixtieth strike to his head, Cody finally seems to get it.

As he goes about securing the new Empire with his team, he realizes that they are no longer calling him Cody. He protests and tries to argue the fact but that of course only earns him new wounds and scars. They say he’s not good enough for a name and all he can do is believe them. He thinks that he’ll be CC-2224 from then on but they take that from him too. They say it’s to sentimental, holds to much meaning and loyalty to his batchmates and brothers. His only loyalty should be to the Empire.

At a point in time, he thinks he would dispute it but now he just nods and becomes Commander 289. A number among numbers.

Time goes on and soon, even the title of Commander is stripped from him. Apparently the _traitor_ got away and he failed in his mission. There’s a spark of something that curls at the bottom of his stomach at hearing that. He thinks his lips are moving upwards, in a way that use to be familiar but now isn’t anymore. The Emperor sees the change and quickly wipes it away as 289 falls in agonizing pain.

At the same time that he simply becomes 289, new uniforms are drafted and he becomes one nameless white face lost in a sea of others.

They’re rarely allowed to take their helmets off after that and the few chances 289 gets, he starts to notice that there are less and less faces like his. He gets word that they’re changing them out, going to natural born forces and getting rid of the Clones. There are a list of problems that go with their reasoning but the main one is that the Clones have become to autonomous thanks to the _traitors_ they worked for. Now they’re walking slaves because if they came to their senses then they’d likely turn against the Empire.

289 thinks this should bother him but it doesn’t. If it’s to better the Empire, then so be it.

He sleeps.

He goes to mission briefings.

He eats.

He kills.

It repeats.

There’s a policy of take no prisoners that they abide by. Occasionally, they do capture someone but seeing as it will only lead to the prisoner being tortured to death, it’s basically like they’ve killed them anyway. At first, 289 feels like he shouldn’t kill his missions. So often they seem harmless and innocent and so very afraid. But feelings get in the way of a good mission and 289 notices when those are gone to. He doesn’t argue though. Anything to do a good job.

He eventually gets sent to Tattooine. It’s meant to be a standard check but the tip they got turns out to be very real. 289 follows his fellow Stormtroopers as they chase the rebels but one of them throws a grenade and 289 suddenly finds himself lying on his back in the sand.

Looking down, 289 sees that his right leg is ruined. Even if he doesn’t bleed out first, then the desert will get him. The Stormtroopers won’t come back for him. They have the rebels to chase. Even if they lose sight of them, then their primary directive will be to report to their commanding officer, not to save him.

289 is expendable.

289 knows he will die.

He closes his eyes and simply lets it happen.

At least that’s the plan until he opens his eyes and finds himself swinging from someone’s back. His face is pressed into a warm, brown cloak. A spark occurs in his mind as he correlates the cloak with kindness and safety and _traitors_.

Everything goes black after that again.

He wakes up in a small, desert dwelling. 289’s leg is bandaged and wrapped up tight in a cast from his foot nearly all the way to his hip. He doesn’t understand why. Such an injury should mean he was subject to be put down. It’s easier to bring in another trooper rather than fix him. He has no point to live. Why would anyone save him?

Then he looks around and sees the brown cloak and who it is attached to it. The hairs are graying and there are more wrinkles but something clicks in 289’s head. “ _Traitor_ ,” he says, plain and simple, and he reaches for the blaster that is always at his side. It’s not there though so he tries to find something else.

_Kill the traitor. Kill the traitor. Kill the—_

He’s put under again by some force. 289 resides in a deeper sleep, one that makes him feel like he is drowning. It should be the end but he wakes up again with his head hurting and sun streaming in through windows.

Looking around, the same man as before is sitting there, his brown cloak on a chair nearby. 289 notes how his mind doesn’t immediately go to _traitor_. He just thinks ‘man’. A familiar man but nothing more. From the way the man is looking at him, he suspects that he’s supposed to recognize more but nothing is coming to mind. Just that slight, inkling of familiarity.

The man asks him questions and 289 replies, “Do I have permission to speak sir?’

The man looks at him oddly, like the question disturbs him but he nods anyway.

289 answers his question. “I am here on behalf of the Empire.”

“I…I know Cody. But why?”

289 just blinks and continues to stare for what seems to be an uncomfortably long time. Eventually the man talks again.

“Cody please…please say something.”

He realizes that the man is talking to him and answers, “I am 289 of the Forty-Eighth Battilion assigned under Moff Grasen.”

All 289 is doing is sounding off. All it should do is make the man realize that he is not whoever he thinks he is. But the man starts crying and 289 doesn’t know what to do. Instead, he just responds with what he knows best. “All emotional responses are strictly prohibited.”

The man seems to cry harder and this time 289 doesn’t say more. He watches as the tears move down the man’s face and for the first time in a long time, he thinks that he feels sorry for the man. He steps away from the emotion, shocked and surprised that it is there. As fast as possible, he buries it but now that it is out, 289 can feel it moving just below his surface. He thinks that this is just another reason for his life to end. They had said the Clones were defective. Apparently his time is up.

But the man doesn’t end his life and instead tends to his wounds as the hours pass and eventually turn into days. 289 eventually realizes there is a new cut on his head, one that wasn’t made by the exploding grenade. Focusing on the area, it’s like something is missing there yet the fact that it is missing makes him feel free. It’s an odd connection and 289 doesn’t know why it’s happening.

Besides tending to him, the man starts to tell him stories. Occasionally, he thinks a story sounds familiar, like he’s been told the same tale before. But nothing more comes to him and the stories don’t pull forth any spark.

The days blur together, a mixture of being tended to and having stories told to him. The man seems to grow tired after a while, like some days are just to much. That becomes evident when he pushes forward and kisses him. The motion is hard and messy and reeks of desperation. 289 feels the hand that slips under his shirt. The callouses are familiar and he thinks that he’s felt this hand before but he doesn’t know where, when, or why.

The man eventually pulls back, realizing that he isn’t getting any reaction. Tears pool in his eyes and he pulls 289 into a hug and whispers, “I’m sorry,” over and over again. 289 doesn’t know why but he again feels sorry for the man.

Later that night, the calloused hand isn’t the only thing that seems familiar and 289 begins to distinctly remember those lips having met his before too. From there on, there’s more remembering, more of what the man calls progress. 289 isn’t so sure though. He’s malfunctioning. He knows it. The things that the man tells him start to blend with his own memory but he can’t believe it. More emotions seem to come forth and he doesn’t know why.

Eventually the man starts to call him Cody again. Like the stories, this time 289 thinks he remembers being called Cody. He thinks that maybe Cody did live and go on these fantastic adventures but he finds it harder to believe that he was that man. Maybe he had known him once.

Then the weather starts to change marking the end of a season. The days become hotter and the nights colder and eventually the man moves from his spot in his chair to the bed with 289 when it’s time to sleep. He thinks he’s done this before too and in the morning a name comes to his lips.

“Obi-Wan.”

His voice wakes up the man and 289 decides that it is Obi-Wan.

The man seems overjoyed by this development and 289 realizes that he wants Obi-Wan to be happy. He’s wanted Obi-Wan to be happy before too though he’s unsure why. Despite what Obi-Wan calls an excellent step though, 289 only sees as further evidence that he’s failing.

He starts to have dreams after that. They are of his missions for the Empire, being played over and over in his head, yet in the dreams seeing the dead hurts. In his dreams, he wants to stop and do something about it. One day, it clicks in his head, all those things that he’s done, the blood on his hands. He knows that Obi-Wan calls him Cody because he is Cody and he knows that the stories are real. But all he can think about is the blood and the mindless orders and how he tried to shoot Obi-Wan down like he was nothing.

The morning it all clicks he tries to run but even with his leg healing the motions are useless.

Obi-Wan tells him to stop and it’s to easy for the man to keep him from going out the door. So he screams instead. He screams that he is a monster and a failure and a traitor and screams for Obi-Wan to kill him. Obi-Wan says he can’t, says he forgives him, that he cares about him.

But he responds that all he cares about is Cody. He’s not Cody though. Not anymore. He wants to be Cody. Cody smiled and laughed and could get sarcastic with his general. He would give anything to be Cody but he’s 289 now and there’s blood on his hands and it’s not coming off.

Obi-Wan tries to argue. He talks about the chips and how it wasn’t his fault and how the chips is gone now and he can heal but he just tunes Obi-Wan out. No, he’s worthless. He isn’t worth forgiving.

That night he doesn’t let Obi-Wan lay next to him. He goes and lays on the floor when the man tries even though it’s considerably colder. He’s destroyed Obi-Wan life already. He feels cancerous even being in the same space as him and the only reason he doesn’t run again is because he knows Obi-Wan would catch him.

He wants to think of himself as 289. He doesn’t want to admit he could have once been Cody because that makes his change all the more horrid. But he slowly realizes he’s not 289 anymore. He cares and has feelings and can talk whenever he likes without getting knocked to the ground. He had a name, even if he doesn’t want to use it, and Obi-Wan tells him he’s important.

He can’t believe that much. There’s no way he can be important after everything he’s done. Yet Obi-Wan continues to care for him and helps him to walk again when his leg can carry the weight. He makes him meals that taste of a different time and starts to tell him how much he’s missed him. He admits that he was angry at first. Angry and confused as to what was going on. But when he learned of the chips and the control they had on the Clones, he knew he would forgive Cody for anything he’d done.

He asks if Obi-Wan is sure about that and immediately goes into detail of mission after mission. He talks about destroying a harmless village, of killing a child, of watching a man beg for his wife’s life only to shoot her first and then him. It’s supposed to make Obi-Wan see how he isn’t worth forgiving but he soon finds himself crying, long and hard.

Perhaps there is more of Cody left than he realized.

Eventually, he gets to the point where he can walk again and he and Obi-Wan go into town for the first time. Even if his face wasn’t so scarred, the people of Tattooine haven’t seen a clone in years. His presence means nothing to them and the only reason they take a second look is simply because he’s with their resident hermit. The title actually causes him to laugh before he can stop himself. He immediately regrets it because the sound causes Obi-Wan to smile and he knows he’s given the man false hope.

Maybe he has started to act more like Cody again but he’s still not him. He never will be.

He learns more over Obi-Wan’s reason for being on Tattooine. He learns about what happened on the other side after Palpatine took over and started his Empire. He learns about the rebels and immediately sympathizes with them, wishes he had been one of them. Such thoughts only make the nightmares worse though as he realizes how many rebels he’s killed in the name of the Empire.

He learns about the truth behind Vader and Luke Skywalker. He learns about Leia Organa, off on Alderaan with the Viceroy and the Queen. He learns about Ahsoka’s involvement with the rebels and how Rex is still alive and got out before everything went down. Despite the darkness in the Galaxy, a good bit which he caused himself, he realizes that there is still light as well. Out of everything that Obi-Wan tells him, he realizes that his missions and efforts in the Empire were worthless because it only gave the rebels more heat and made them stronger.

It doesn’t make him forgive himself but he starts to understand how Obi-Wan could forgive him.

Seemingly far to soon, he’s told that a year has passed. He doesn’t think it could have been that long but looking back on it, he realizes how much of his time on Tattooine seemed to blur together, particularly near the beginning.

With a year up, he let’s Obi-Wan sleep by his side again. It’s a comfort he doesn’t deserve but once he has it again he can’t let it go. He also starts answering to the name of Cody again. In one last attempt, he tries to say, “This doesn’t make me the same Cody you remember.”

But Obi-Wan simply replies, “I’m not the same Obi-Wan you remember,” and Cody can’t really argue with that.

It’s after he can get around without much trouble, though a cane is still necessary, that Cody meets Luke for the first time. He’s five years old and Cody realizes that means he was in the service of the Empire for four years. It doesn’t seem like that much time could have passed but the truth is right in front of him.

Oddly enough, with the knowledge of Luke’s origins there, it seems to be the proof that Cody needs to see that light will triumphant in the end. And Obi-Wan is nothing if not sided with the light. Yes, he sees why Obi-Wan could forgive him now.

He doesn’t really start to forgive himself until he actually gets to help though. It’s difficult, extracting any information out of the haze that is his memories of the Empire, but there is more there than he first thought. He’s been all over the Galaxy and knows plenty of locations that have been kept hidden from public eyes. He gives them to Obi-Wan and he passes the information onto the rebels. Cody sleeps a little easier after that.

Later, another small fact pops up into Cody’s head. Little pieces and memories seem to become clearer each day at random but he’s surprised this specific fact hasn’t made itself known sooner. He speaks the words to Obi-Wan and he can see the man’s body still when he says them.

“I loved you.”

It takes a moment for words to find Obi-Wan. “You did?”

“Yes. When you asked me to call you a friend…but I consciously realized it when you kissed me.”

“You said ‘loved’. Do you no longer love me?”

“You shouldn’t be burdened with the love of a worthless clone.”

But Obi-Wan shakes his head and walks over. He pulls Cody close and says, “I get to choose what I hold close to my heart.”

“It would be a mistake,” Cody replies.

“Then it would be my mistake.”

“But I can’t give it to you,” Cody replies. “I…I know you.” And yes, he does finally know Obi-Wan. There is a bittersweet nature to that. “I know that if I offer up my love, you will do the same.”

“I’ll do it now, regardless of your response.”

Cody doesn’t say anything. He doesn’t want to lie but any truth seems to dangerous to speak out loud. So Obi-Wan kisses him instead. All Cody can really remember is that sloppy, desperate kiss from the beginning. He still hasn’t remembered their _first_ kiss though he knows it happened. Yet if it was anything like this…he knows he wants it to happen again.

They didn’t have time between their first kiss and what had felt like the end. There were signs, Cody realizes, and he probably should have realized them sooner. Instead, only a month had separated their first kiss to their arrival on Utapau. That had left very little time for anything seeing as they had been in the middle of a war.

But they’re not now. They’re on a small desert world where their only task is to protect a little boy and Obi-Wan tells him they have time.

It’s while holding Obi-Wan’s nude form against his, the man already having fallen asleep, that Cody decides that he deserves Obi-Wan. That this small moment of happiness is all he’ll ever need from then on but he’ll gladly take anymore that follows. Cody still thinks Obi-Wan deserves better than a broken clone but he doesn’t argue and simply lets what happens happen.

Luke grows and Cody gets to see him more. Every time he feels doubt in his heart, seeing Luke again revitalizes his hope. When he’s seven, Cody is there as Luke rides his first speeder. At ten, Luke starts calling him Uncle Cody and a new feeling of warmth enters him. Then he gets to teach Luke how to defend himself and how to shoot a blaster for the first time at the age of twelve. It’s the closest thing to feeling like a parent that Cody’s ever had or likely ever will. He likes it and soon realizes he would just about do anything to protect Luke as much as he would do anything to protect Obi-Wan.

Eight years he stays with Obi-Wan on Tattooine. It should have been a boring existence but it wasn’t. The desert held many secrets and as months pass, it takes Cody a while to realize that every time he and Obi-Wan go out into the desert he feels like he’s on one of those adventures with his general again. There’s of course a much greater rest period in between such journeys though and they get to say when and for how long they rest and lie around.

Besides slowly feeling more and more like Cody though, he also remembers more and more over those eight years, particularly of the Empire. Again, he passes all information onto Obi-Wan and he passes it onto the rebels. He’s never heard anything back from them and with Tattooine’s position, its residents are very much out of the loop too.

Yet when Luke turns thirteen, they finally get a response back. His information hadn’t just mildly helped the rebels but had changed the course of the war. He had thought that he’d just been giving them coordinates but what the rebels had found had turned out to be so much more. Cody realizes that it’s because of his knowledge that they found the monstrous creature called the Death Star and took it down before its completion. That it’s because of him that they won the Battle of Chandrila and Yavin IV and Endor. All it had been was coordinates, coordinates and the occasional name yet it had seemed to make all the difference.

Apparently a difference had been made in himself as well because Cody eventually starts to take notes. He smiles more, feels freer. He starts to believe that he is important, that he’s made a difference. Yet the most important difference seems to be that of the change he sees in Obi-Wan. Cody is the one that makes him smile and laugh again. It’s Cody who causes that sarcastic, quick witted tongue of Obi-Wan’s to come back and Cody begins to think that just maybe he really is significant.

When Luke turns sixteen, Cody hears of the second Death Star that the Empire had tried to build. It had been ruined before even being properly started and it finally seems that the rebels are bigger than the Empire.

He learns that Ahsoka and Rex are out there leading the good fight and that the Jedi are coming back. A man going by Kana and a boy of the name Ezra leading them to victory. Yoda apparently resurfaces and that causes a whole new surge of those in support of the Jedi and the republic.

And all because Cody could recall a few coordinates.

Fifteen years after he arrived on Tattooine, the Battle of Coruscant happens and though it doesn’t permanently destroy the Empire, it does deal a serious blow. The Emperor and Vader are dead at the hands of Ahsoka. Despite being as far out as they are, rumors quickly star swirling that the Fulcrum didn’t really kill either. Instead, she had nearly died at the hands of Palpatine only for Vader to switch sides last minute to save her life. Whether it was true or not, it was a fact that Vader had died from his injuries not long after.

With the center of the Empire already being returned to the heart of the Republic, Cody finally thinks that he is happy he’s lived this long.

It’s when Luke turns nineteen, a whole two years later, that the Empire is truly destroyed and the Republic is restored. It’s then that Obi-Wan and he can finally tell Luke the truth and it’s then that Obi-Wan’s mission is over. Luke is safe and they are free to leave.

But what with the boy now being in a free galaxy too, Luke quickly states how he wants to travel as well. He wants to see the place where his mother was born and grew. He wants to visit the places his father saved when he was still Anakin Skywalker and still a good man. He wants to meet his sister and see the universe that he’s been missing out on for nineteen years.

It takes a lot of convincing with Owen. For a long time, the man just won’t budge but eventually Beru convinces him that perhaps the time is to let go. Luke of course promises to return and Cody doesn’t doubt for a second that the boy isn’t lying. He loves his aunt and uncle and will not forget them but for the moment, he is young and wild and he needs to succumb to that side of himself as well.

It’s weird, when the time finally comes and Cody leaves Tattooine. He had never been in a place for so long yet it now feels alien that he is about to travel across the Galaxy again. Only this time it won’t be to follow any order or mission with the promise of being shot at but simply for enjoyment with Obi-Wan on one side and the easily over excited boy on the other.

He realizes that he’ll get to see Rex and Ahsoka again and his immediate reaction is fear as, for the first time in a while, he focuses on the horrors that he accomplished at the hands of the Empire. Yet the fear does not take him and Obi-Wan is there, holding him close and reminding him that he is Cody and not what the Empire created. Leaving Tattooine, it’s clear that 289 did die there just as he was meant to but Cody has survived in his place, stronger than before.

Kissing Obi-Wan and hugging Luke then makes that long ago lesson come back and to finally snap back in place. He is not expendable and he does matter.

He smiles and laughs and loves and wants and he’s allowed to do all that and more. He is a person with a man that he loves and a boy he’s had a hand in raising. Sometimes it doesn’t feel real when he thinks back on all that has happened and the hell that he had to go through to get here. He would be lying if he said he wouldn’t change anything if given the chance. Yet, all things considered, Cody decides he had been far luckier than most and there was no point in wasting what he had.

Even when doubts still entered his mind, the only thing that had to happen was for Obi-Wan to kiss him in that slow careful way and he knew.

Cody knew he mattered.


End file.
